Hello Cobi, I am not in your group this week but I chose your storybook to use my free choice on. Your title is what made me decide to comment on your storybook. It really drew me in and made me have to check it out. I will be commenting on your cover page, introduction and the storybook overall. I will start with the cover page. I think your cover page looks great. You have a nice cute picture and everything looks to be in order. Now on to your introduction, I don’t think you need the comments section at the bottom of your book either. If you want to change this you can go to the “open more actions menu” at the top right of the site and then click on “page settings.” A page setting screen will pop up and then click the “allow comments” to turn them off. “I once encountered a spiteful fairy that turned me into a frog. I am a prince who was once cursed by a spiteful fairy.” These two sentences don’t flow very well. Maybe you can reword them and say something like “I am a prince that once encountered a spiteful fairy. The spiteful fairy put a curse on me that turned me into a frog.” Overall, I think you have a great topic to work with. Your theme is great and the storybook looks good. I hope my comments are helpful. Good luck with the rest of your storybook.
Hey Cobi, I chose you as my free choice for the storybook commenting as well. First of all, I loved your template. I contemplated on using that same template for my storybook project! I feel like it catches a lot of peoples eye and its much more fun and exciting than the plan background! Also, your Frog Prince photo is a very fitting representation! I thought it was so creative to come up with the S.A.F.E. acronym, how did you come up with that?! Your story line sounds very interesting with the animals becoming a team to fight collectively against the evil fairies that have cursed them. Your introduction definitely has me hooked! I cannot wait to read the weekly meetings and see the topics that are discussed. Like Colton stated, the only thing I saw in your introduction were the two sentences that somewhat stated the same thing about the frog being cursed by the spiteful fairy. Other than that, your introduction did an adequate job of explaining the readers about the gist of your storybook project! I can only hope that the animals can successfully defeat the evil fairies. I will be reading each week to find out! Great job!
Hi Cobi! What an interesting idea for your storybook! I love the idea of various fairytale characters coming together to share experiences and offer support to one another after being transformed - I do imagine that would be quite the traumatic experience! I also liked that some of the characters you chose were some rather unconventional characters. I have never heard of Kisa or of the prince who was turned into a bear but I cannot wait to hear their stories! Have you thought about tapping into some of the Greek Mythology for some of your stories? They specialize in humans (and gods being) being turned into all manner of things from animals to flowers to stones. Your intro was great! I really got the sense that I had come to a website for a support group especially with you speaking in the voice of the frog prince, who, by the way, I think is an excellent choice as an ambassador for the group as his is one of the most recognizable transformation stories out there. I liked your cover page as well. The only thing I would have liked to have seen is your organization name on the cover - it's such a clever acronym and it gives a lot of information about what your storybook will include! I can't wait to come back and read some of the stories! Great job!
Overall I think that you did a good job of putting your cover page together. I like that since it is the very first page that someone will see when they come to your story book that it has a large picture. I think that the picture you choose to use is a good one because it is large, and it is also very brightly colored. I think that the use of color can really make or break something and in this case it really helps to strengthen your page. I was immediately drawn to the picture and wanted to observe it. I feel that simplicity is key so I think you really succeeded in that aspect! After reading your introduction I feel that I now have a pretty good understanding of what your story is going to be like. I think that you came up with such a creative idea on what to write your storybook on! So many of the fairy tales that we read today are written about how someone has been turned in to some sort of animal for one reason or another so the fact that you came up with the idea to turn all of those ideas in to one story is great! Can’t wait to come back in the semester and read more!
Hey Colbi! As I was going back through all of my comments throughout the semester, I realized that you have been someone who has left several very kind comments on my posts! I really appreciate that you took the time to read through my essays and provide very motivating words! So thank you!
Cobi, thank you so much for your comments on my week 4 storytelling! Your words were so motivating and encouraging! You definitely made me feel much better about my writing ability. Have a great rest of the semester. Thanks again!
Cobi, I just wanted to say thank you for your comment on my storybook project. It really helps to hear other people's opinion on whether or not they find the website interesting and fun to read. I'm glad you enjoyed my writing style and the first story I have posted. I really enjoyed reading out Saint Mary of Egypt and creating a different version of her life for others to read and learn from. Thanks again!
Hi Cobi, I am somewhat glad that you decided to go with a writing portfolio. It really is nice having to read something else other than a story book. For this week I am going to be commenting on your stories as well as you page as a whole. Firstly, I would like to critic your page. Upon clicking your page I really like the use of colors and template. I also like how you enlarged your font making it easy to read. I liked how you wrote the story in the first person. In the opening of your story when you went on to describing your character I thought to myself “why do people stare so much.” And then when you went on to explain how beautiful she was. Wow, I couldn’t imagine being that beautiful. I liked how you incorporated your believes into your story. I think that by doing that you really put your stamp on the story. Overall, I think it was a really good read and I also enjoyed the simplicity yet the beauty of your writing. I too agree, that when you place your trust in the almighty all good things fall into place. And you did a good job at portraying that in your story. Good job and I wish you the best for the rest of the semester.
Where to begin? Great portfolio, so far! The first story seemed so personal and introspective that I had to read it twice! Really great work on that one. I am also a Christian, so the story was something I could relate to, except I don't have male farmers coming up to me. The second story (especially with the picture) was also pretty fantastic. I think just about everyone wishes they had a porcupine for a protector. I know I do. I think one of my favorite things in this portfolio is that they are both incredibly relatable stories. I don't know if you have a particular theme, or if you are just trying to have the stories in the portfolio match up with your own biography, or what, but I think they are easy to understand and follow for their universality. Regardless, fantastic retellings on both stories. I look forward to reading the rest, and I will happily come back to this page just to do so. Keep up the great work, and enjoy the rest of your semester.
Cobi, Hello, you might be the only the second person I have been assigned to read that has a portfolio. Which is good. I find portfolios to be fun to read because you can read a bunch of different stories. I like the way your page is set up with the background. It is peaceful, and it reminds me of a TV show that I used to watch but I can’t remember the name of it. I enjoyed your story of the “Two Nerds”. It was a fun read. One of my favorite things that you did in the story is the way you said referred to the bully. You said “Big mean bully” over and over again. I couldn’t help but to laugh. It was terrible to see the kids get picked on after school on their way home. I used to be that did with the Pokémon stuff haha, but luckily for me I didn’t get picked on. Good thing all the animals came to aid the two kids. The best part was when the bully fell and landed on the porcupine. Ouch! That had to hurt a lot. Looks like the bully learned his lesson, which is to not pick on people. You may never know what is to come in the future.
As I read your story, I wonder what makes the animals so willing to help the children out. It might add some additional zeal to your story if you were to include a slight explanation of that. Then again, I am not sure how much material the original stories give you to work with.
Just for reference, I have included some suggestions for typographical changes below.
In the sentence, "The bully was getting closer but the horse managed to gallop off towards the kids' house faster than the bully could run," I would insert a comma after "closer."
The phrase "a distance relative to one block away" seems a little cumbersome. In your opinion, could "one block away" work by itself?
I should mention that I read the "Two Nerds" story for that previous comment! In any case, now I will talk about "True Love." I'm glad to see that you were able to fuse your own beliefs into a story based on Greek mythology.
As I mentioned above, here are some more suggestions:
In the phrase "I was the younger of two older sisters," there is some conflict regarding the use of "younger." If you were the younger of two sisters, there would only be two sisters total, yourself and the other sister. In this case, I might say that you were the youngest of three sisters. By using that, you both confirm that the narrator is the youngest our of a family with three kids.
Cobi, I wanted to thank you for checking out my portfolio and for your helpful comment on my last post! Looking back at my story, The Pig and the Fence, and keeping your advice in mind, I realized that the story was somewhat confusing and made small changes to explain the details further. Thank you for helping me improve the clarity of my writing!
Hello Cobi, I am not in your group this week but I chose your storybook to use my free choice on. Your title is what made me decide to comment on your storybook. It really drew me in and made me have to check it out. I will be commenting on your cover page, introduction and the storybook overall. I will start with the cover page. I think your cover page looks great. You have a nice cute picture and everything looks to be in order. Now on to your introduction, I don’t think you need the comments section at the bottom of your book either. If you want to change this you can go to the “open more actions menu” at the top right of the site and then click on “page settings.” A page setting screen will pop up and then click the “allow comments” to turn them off. “I once encountered a spiteful fairy that turned me into a frog. I am a prince who was once cursed by a spiteful fairy.” These two sentences don’t flow very well. Maybe you can reword them and say something like “I am a prince that once encountered a spiteful fairy. The spiteful fairy put a curse on me that turned me into a frog.” Overall, I think you have a great topic to work with. Your theme is great and the storybook looks good. I hope my comments are helpful. Good luck with the rest of your storybook.
ReplyDeleteHey Cobi,
ReplyDeleteI chose you as my free choice for the storybook commenting as well. First of all, I loved your template. I contemplated on using that same template for my storybook project! I feel like it catches a lot of peoples eye and its much more fun and exciting than the plan background!
Also, your Frog Prince photo is a very fitting representation! I thought it was so creative to come up with the S.A.F.E. acronym, how did you come up with that?! Your story line sounds very interesting with the animals becoming a team to fight collectively against the evil fairies that have cursed them. Your introduction definitely has me hooked! I cannot wait to read the weekly meetings and see the topics that are discussed. Like Colton stated, the only thing I saw in your introduction were the two sentences that somewhat stated the same thing about the frog being cursed by the spiteful fairy. Other than that, your introduction did an adequate job of explaining the readers about the gist of your storybook project! I can only hope that the animals can successfully defeat the evil fairies. I will be reading each week to find out! Great job!
Hi Cobi! What an interesting idea for your storybook! I love the idea of various fairytale characters coming together to share experiences and offer support to one another after being transformed - I do imagine that would be quite the traumatic experience! I also liked that some of the characters you chose were some rather unconventional characters. I have never heard of Kisa or of the prince who was turned into a bear but I cannot wait to hear their stories! Have you thought about tapping into some of the Greek Mythology for some of your stories? They specialize in humans (and gods being) being turned into all manner of things from animals to flowers to stones. Your intro was great! I really got the sense that I had come to a website for a support group especially with you speaking in the voice of the frog prince, who, by the way, I think is an excellent choice as an ambassador for the group as his is one of the most recognizable transformation stories out there. I liked your cover page as well. The only thing I would have liked to have seen is your organization name on the cover - it's such a clever acronym and it gives a lot of information about what your storybook will include! I can't wait to come back and read some of the stories! Great job!
ReplyDeleteOverall I think that you did a good job of putting your cover page together. I like that since it is the very first page that someone will see when they come to your story book that it has a large picture. I think that the picture you choose to use is a good one because it is large, and it is also very brightly colored. I think that the use of color can really make or break something and in this case it really helps to strengthen your page. I was immediately drawn to the picture and wanted to observe it. I feel that simplicity is key so I think you really succeeded in that aspect! After reading your introduction I feel that I now have a pretty good understanding of what your story is going to be like. I think that you came up with such a creative idea on what to write your storybook on! So many of the fairy tales that we read today are written about how someone has been turned in to some sort of animal for one reason or another so the fact that you came up with the idea to turn all of those ideas in to one story is great! Can’t wait to come back in the semester and read more!
ReplyDeleteHey Colbi! As I was going back through all of my comments throughout the semester, I realized that you have been someone who has left several very kind comments on my posts! I really appreciate that you took the time to read through my essays and provide very motivating words! So thank you!
ReplyDeleteCobi, thank you so much for your comments on my week 4 storytelling! Your words were so motivating and encouraging! You definitely made me feel much better about my writing ability. Have a great rest of the semester. Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteCobi, I just wanted to say thank you for your comment on my storybook project. It really helps to hear other people's opinion on whether or not they find the website interesting and fun to read. I'm glad you enjoyed my writing style and the first story I have posted. I really enjoyed reading out Saint Mary of Egypt and creating a different version of her life for others to read and learn from. Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteHi Cobi, I am somewhat glad that you decided to go with a writing portfolio. It really is nice having to read something else other than a story book. For this week I am going to be commenting on your stories as well as you page as a whole. Firstly, I would like to critic your page. Upon clicking your page I really like the use of colors and template. I also like how you enlarged your font making it easy to read.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you wrote the story in the first person. In the opening of your story when you went on to describing your character I thought to myself “why do people stare so much.” And then when you went on to explain how beautiful she was. Wow, I couldn’t imagine being that beautiful. I liked how you incorporated your believes into your story. I think that by doing that you really put your stamp on the story. Overall, I think it was a really good read and I also enjoyed the simplicity yet the beauty of your writing. I too agree, that when you place your trust in the almighty all good things fall into place. And you did a good job at portraying that in your story. Good job and I wish you the best for the rest of the semester.
Where to begin? Great portfolio, so far! The first story seemed so personal and introspective that I had to read it twice! Really great work on that one. I am also a Christian, so the story was something I could relate to, except I don't have male farmers coming up to me. The second story (especially with the picture) was also pretty fantastic. I think just about everyone wishes they had a porcupine for a protector. I know I do. I think one of my favorite things in this portfolio is that they are both incredibly relatable stories. I don't know if you have a particular theme, or if you are just trying to have the stories in the portfolio match up with your own biography, or what, but I think they are easy to understand and follow for their universality. Regardless, fantastic retellings on both stories. I look forward to reading the rest, and I will happily come back to this page just to do so. Keep up the great work, and enjoy the rest of your semester.
ReplyDeleteCobi,
ReplyDeleteHello, you might be the only the second person I have been assigned to read that has a portfolio. Which is good. I find portfolios to be fun to read because you can read a bunch of different stories. I like the way your page is set up with the background. It is peaceful, and it reminds me of a TV show that I used to watch but I can’t remember the name of it.
I enjoyed your story of the “Two Nerds”. It was a fun read. One of my favorite things that you did in the story is the way you said referred to the bully. You said “Big mean bully” over and over again. I couldn’t help but to laugh. It was terrible to see the kids get picked on after school on their way home. I used to be that did with the Pokémon stuff haha, but luckily for me I didn’t get picked on. Good thing all the animals came to aid the two kids. The best part was when the bully fell and landed on the porcupine. Ouch! That had to hurt a lot. Looks like the bully learned his lesson, which is to not pick on people. You may never know what is to come in the future.
As I read your story, I wonder what makes the animals so willing to help the children out. It might add some additional zeal to your story if you were to include a slight explanation of that. Then again, I am not sure how much material the original stories give you to work with.
ReplyDeleteJust for reference, I have included some suggestions for typographical changes below.
In the sentence, "The bully was getting closer but the horse managed to gallop off towards the kids' house faster than the bully could run," I would insert a comma after "closer."
The phrase "a distance relative to one block away" seems a little cumbersome. In your opinion, could "one block away" work by itself?
I should mention that I read the "Two Nerds" story for that previous comment! In any case, now I will talk about "True Love." I'm glad to see that you were able to fuse your own beliefs into a story based on Greek mythology.
ReplyDeleteAs I mentioned above, here are some more suggestions:
In the phrase "I was the younger of two older sisters," there is some conflict regarding the use of "younger." If you were the younger of two sisters, there would only be two sisters total, yourself and the other sister. In this case, I might say that you were the youngest of three sisters. By using that, you both confirm that the narrator is the youngest our of a family with three kids.
Cobi, I wanted to thank you for checking out my portfolio and for your helpful comment on my last post! Looking back at my story, The Pig and the Fence, and keeping your advice in mind, I realized that the story was somewhat confusing and made small changes to explain the details further. Thank you for helping me improve the clarity of my writing!
ReplyDelete